Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream is FIRE  

Mint chocolate chip ice cream is absolutely magical. When you take that first bite, it gives you that whimsical feeling of pure joy you’ve been waiting your entire life for, and suddenly, nothing else matters. Some smaller minded individuals might make the argument that it “tastes like toothpaste with chocolate chips.” However, this argument is invalid because mint chocolate chip ice cream is so much more than that and is a beautiful complex blend of flavors, and people who don’t have as high of a mental capacity as those who thoroughly enjoy mint chocolate chip ice cream fail to understand that. Also, if you genuinely make this argument thinking you’re doing something groundbreaking, you’re not because you’ve simply never used toothpaste in your life. End of discussion.  

Cream Cheese is good and has so many uses  

Bagels. Dips. Frosting. Cheesecake. Brownies. Cakes. Fillings. Flavored. Unflavored. Mixed. Unmixed. Block. Tub. Room temperature. Softened. Sweet. Salty.  The possibilities are endless, the world is your oyster if you have cream cheese in your possession. You can’t go wrong when there’s something for everyone. You can get the OG, whipped, strawberry, blueberry, brown sugar, honey pecan, garden vegetable, smoked salmon, plant based, honey butter, chive and onion, buffalo style, garlic and herb, pineapple, brown sugar and cinnamon, whipped chive, reduced fat, roasted red pepper, pumpkin spice, fat free, and so much more! So, choose happiness and buy some cream cheese today, because you deserve it.  

Cheesecake is GROSS  

Despite cream cheese being one of the greatest and most versatile inventions to date, one bad thing that came out of it was cheesecake. I don’t know who invented it, but I just want you to know I’m not mad at you, just disappointed (but it is your fault). The idea was there, civilization wanted a simple dessert that was light and fun, not showing off too much, but the execution failed. The individual who chooses to indulge in this dessert will be highly disappointed to find out with that first bite that it tastes exactly how it sounds. The taste of cream cheese is way more than it should be, no matter how much sugar is dumped into it….the true identity simply can’t be disguised (unless it’s done by Cheesecake Factory). In conclusion, cream cheese should be used for savory purposes only.  

Pie is overrated  

No grandma, we don’t want it for Thanksgiving. Give it up. Pumpkin pie isn’t a “fun holiday treat” and neither is apple. Spoiler alert: nobody is having fun, they just eat it because it’s there and they feel bad that nobody else is eating it, considering the absurd amount of whipped cream they’re putting on top to make the texture somewhat bearable (it doesn’t work). Key lime, lemon meringue, and cherry are the exception, but still, there are much better desserts out there to explore.  

Hot Chocolate isn’t all that  

It’s either scorching hot and burns your tongue to the point where you can’t enjoy the rest of it or freezing cold if you wait for it to cool down, no in between, marshmallows or anything extra put in it melts away immediately into the abyss and is never to be seen again, and it’s not at all refreshing or thirst-quenching. It really only gets a pass because it’s “festive.” We need to take a stand.   

Tomatoes are good  

You read it. Enough said, literally nothing is better on a hot summer day.